Hello there, well I suppose that I had better introduce myself to you, my name is Chynna. I quite fancy my chances at this game, you know. I was once described as being quite a dish and very elegant. Well, for my age, I'm in very good shape, slightly shallow but circular to be precise. I was made by Johnson Brothers, I know that because they kindly stamped my bottom with their mark. For you, the reader, I'm a really useful thing to have around the house, in the fact that people like you employ my services at least once or maybe twice a everyday of the year.
When I was asked to think about it, (I know what you're thinking) - but that's where you're wrong - everything has feelings, even the household crockery gets upset sometimes. I lost my sister Sauca the other day. She had it in her mind that she might have been able to fly, but she accidentally fell out of the cupboard onto the floor and got smashed to smithereens and was swept up into a black dustbin liner and thrown away away with the rest of the rubbish. We are all still spinning from the shock. I think my brother Ceryal has fallen in love again, as he has been completely bowled over by Alpen - and that's the third box this month.
I'm sorry, I was just pondering, whilst sitting here on the cold shiny steel of the draining board waiting for HIM to come back into the kitchen to bathe me in hot water with lots of nice lemony smelling bubbles and massage me all over with that new dishcloth which is sitting down in the cupboard underneath me just waiting to be unwrapped. This is my favourite time of the day, when I get to soak in the washing-up bowl, I quite enjoy just lazing around amongst millions and millions of bubbles. Then to finish off - well, I like to be lovingly dried off with a big fluffy tea-towel and placed back in the crockery cupboard until my services are required again tomorrow.
I've just got a small problem today, there is something sticky on my upper rim and HE was late for work. Well you can imagine, I've been left on the cold steel of the draining board all day long and whatever it was has stuck fast - I don't think I will enjoy being washed so much this evening. Although it's quite a nice feeling when you've got rid of the day's grease and grime, you can look forward to spending a night with the rest of the crockery in the cupboard.
Oh no, SHE's doing the dishes tonight, and I'm DEFINITELY not looking forward to this experience, one little bit. She's placing me at the bottom of the washing-up bowl, and the Mug is sidling up to me, I don't like Mug very much, he always seems to be filled with the cold coffee dregs. Oh hello, I've been joined by Nifee, Forkee and Spoonee, they don't seem to be very happy either, and although Nifee can be a bit sharp at times he doesn't really mean it.
SHE's just squirted us all with green slime which is very uncomfortable, believe you me, I've been in here more times than you've probably had hot dinners - I know it eventually turns into bubbles, loads of them. Do you know how many bubbles actually come out of a fairy? No, nor me neither!
Now she's running the hot water but it doesn't feel very warm at the moment, but I am sure it will soon heat up. Probably only a lukewarm wash tonight, as she cannot stand the water being too hot!
Ouch, ouch, ouch, what was that? Oh no, she's poking me with THAT spiky scouring implement once again - and bashing my rim against the rest of my companions who also have the pleasure of bathing with me this evening. I am being dipped in and out of the water like a jack in the box. Am I clean yet?
Does SHE really have to scrub at me that hard? You know, it really does hurt when SHE washes the dishes - you know really unkind and uncaring. If SHE carries on like this somebody is going to get hurt, chipped or even broken. I think SHE must be angry today, because I've now been rammed into the plate rack at a rather peculiar angle and I can feel the water running down my back. How on earth does SHE expect me to keep my balance, at this rate I'll be rolling around the kitchen floor if I'm not careful.
Ouch, SHE's just shoved the frying pan against my back, and slammed one of the saucepan lids up against my face. I feel extremely nauseous, well so would you if you lying at this sort of angle.
It wasn't a very pleasant experience today. You know the world seems an awfully funny place looking at it from sideways on. It always seems that when SHE does the dishes we get forgotten about - just stacked up in the plate rack - when we leave the bubbles behind in the washing-up bowl, she just leaves us to dry ourselves. I don't think she knows what a tea-towel is - let alone what it is used for!
Well, hello, HE has just come back into the kitchen. HE's picking up the tea-towel and pulling me out of the plate rack at the same time. Now for a luxurious towel drying experience, my entire circumference has just been completely wrapped up in the tea-towel, oh this is so lovely. Now all the water droplets have been wiped away and my sparkling glazed exterior has been restored once again. I'm now being returned to my dutiful place in amongst the rest of the crockery in the cupboard, ready and waiting for my next exciting adventure.
Well, there you have it, a first hand experience of what is involved in the washing-up as seen through the eyes of Chynna Plate.
Sunday, 18 April 2010
Saturday, 17 April 2010
The Morning After
Tis the morning after the night before
The world is oh so quiet
My clothes are scattered across the floor
I remember we caused a riot
We caught the last but one train back
Twas not the vomit rocket
Munching fries and a Big Mac
Found the wrapper in my pocket
I tripped up over the garden gate
What on earth was in that glass
In a terribly drunken female state
Ending up on my arse
Rummaging around for my key
Pushing it in the door
Why were we at Number Three
When I live at Number Four
Eventually we got it right
Spinning around my room
Please do not turn out the light
My head was going boom
A girlie adventure on a Saturday night
No more drinking Tequila and lime
Yes, you did hear that bit right
Well, not until the next time.
The world is oh so quiet
My clothes are scattered across the floor
I remember we caused a riot
We caught the last but one train back
Twas not the vomit rocket
Munching fries and a Big Mac
Found the wrapper in my pocket
I tripped up over the garden gate
What on earth was in that glass
In a terribly drunken female state
Ending up on my arse
Rummaging around for my key
Pushing it in the door
Why were we at Number Three
When I live at Number Four
Eventually we got it right
Spinning around my room
Please do not turn out the light
My head was going boom
A girlie adventure on a Saturday night
No more drinking Tequila and lime
Yes, you did hear that bit right
Well, not until the next time.
It's Just Man Flu
My eyes are failing
My knees are weak
But it tis with laughter
That you are making me shriek
Go get your carrots
and your oranges too
Throw in a chicken
And make up a stew
Put it all in a blender
And mix through and through
Your of a typical gender
Cos it's called A Man Flu
Sorry to hear you have got the chills
Now go get yourself off to your bed
Take something hot with a couple of pills
Don't worry hun, cos it's all in your head
My knees are weak
But it tis with laughter
That you are making me shriek
Go get your carrots
and your oranges too
Throw in a chicken
And make up a stew
Put it all in a blender
And mix through and through
Your of a typical gender
Cos it's called A Man Flu
Sorry to hear you have got the chills
Now go get yourself off to your bed
Take something hot with a couple of pills
Don't worry hun, cos it's all in your head
As The Summer Closes
Our summer is nearly over, and the autumn is on its way
With winter around the corner, yet another brand new day
As the sun shines down upon us, and revolves around our world
Dangling in the universe, our little globe is held
For all we want is peace and love, to be within our souls
The war and terror atrocities have also taken their toll
So as a new season opens, and the essence of time is near
We will walk hand in hand in peace, and we will not live in fear
You cannot change the goalposts and you cannot move the fence
What's written in the history books, doesn't always make much sense
Please remember them in your heart and remember them with love
Think of their poor kindred spirits looking down from the sky above
Today, will you please pray for them, with their families and friends
To let them know we are hurting still, and our sorrows we all send
Six painful years today have passed, and they say time will slowly heal
But how do they know all about our loved ones and what we truly feel
You may be gone, but not forgotten, you've just opened a brand new door
Just walked from life on the outer shell, and into the inner core
But as the summer closes, and the sun moves around our sphere
May you rest in peace right now, and the autumn skies be clear
A poem composed by myself on the sixth anniversary of 9/11.
With winter around the corner, yet another brand new day
As the sun shines down upon us, and revolves around our world
Dangling in the universe, our little globe is held
For all we want is peace and love, to be within our souls
The war and terror atrocities have also taken their toll
So as a new season opens, and the essence of time is near
We will walk hand in hand in peace, and we will not live in fear
You cannot change the goalposts and you cannot move the fence
What's written in the history books, doesn't always make much sense
Please remember them in your heart and remember them with love
Think of their poor kindred spirits looking down from the sky above
Today, will you please pray for them, with their families and friends
To let them know we are hurting still, and our sorrows we all send
Six painful years today have passed, and they say time will slowly heal
But how do they know all about our loved ones and what we truly feel
You may be gone, but not forgotten, you've just opened a brand new door
Just walked from life on the outer shell, and into the inner core
But as the summer closes, and the sun moves around our sphere
May you rest in peace right now, and the autumn skies be clear
A poem composed by myself on the sixth anniversary of 9/11.
A HOT DATE
Imagine the scene, a moonlit night, a table for two people, in a romantic corner of the world, somewhere under the stars. Well that was what I had imagined too, but you can STOP right there because I think Friday 13th was switched to Saturday 14th. Read on.....
Yesterday afternoon, I was all of a fluster, I'd made up my mind to wear the little black number that has only been out of the wardrobe on a couple of special occasions because it costs an absolute fortune to have it dry cleaned every time I wear it. I decided that tonight was going to be a special occasion, so I'd wear it again. I took it out of the wardrobe and hung it up on the back of the bedroom door.
I carried on doing all my bits and bobs, I showered so I was as fresh as a daisy. Then it all started and it carried on and on and on, not only did it pour it absolutely tipped down, if anything went wrong yesterday afternoon, it just went from bad to worse. I got out of the shower and cleaned my teeth and painted my nails and did my hair, then went to spray my favourite perfume - it was out, I couldn't believe my Armani was out! Something else for me to put on my Christmas List. So, I scrabbled around in my drawers and found my second favourite and wore that instead.
I took off my dressing gown and stepped into my special dress and proceeded to slap on the war paint, just enough to keep it au naturale, and not go over the top and everything seemed fine. I was near enough ready for my HOT date. I was just about to start pouting and apply my lipstick, when out of the corner of my eye I saw a mark on my dress, like a bird had pooped on my shoulder. Oh no, what was I to do now, I removed the dress and hunted out the packet of baby wipes which I keep for emergencies and my toddler because they are magical and usually remove stains in double quick time, except that this stain appeared to be getting bigger. So, I rubbed it again, gently the stain seemed to be disappearing, yes it was disappearing but, I could see the pinkness of my index and middle fingers appearing where the stain had been and now they were poking through the darkness of the material and where before I had a stain I now had a hole!!
I went back to my wardrobe and rummaged about and found another outfit for the evening and settled for that one instead, re-applied my lippy and got set to leave the house. Checked with the babysitter that everything was in order and then the doorbell rang and my heart was bouncing about a little bit, in fact I think it went down to my boots a couple of times before it came back into my chest. My nerves went Freddie MacGarrity at that point and my legs felt like jelly.
On my way out of the front door I tangled with a freshly spun spider's web and had a feeling that the spider was running around my neckline. We got into the car, and drove to the restaurant and all seemed to be going well, the conversation was good with no big gaps or silences which always terrifies me when going out for the first time with a new person. I must admit I was a bit worried about the eating aspect too, girls you know what I mean. And I knew that my nerves were getting the better of me, although how I managed to keep it together all night I will never know.
We settled ourselves at our table and ordered our meal, this is where it really started to go from what was worse to downright "I want the ground to open up and swallow me" territory. The wine waiter arrived and poured the wine, David tasted it and said it was fine so he carried on pouring. Then our starters arrived and we were so deep in conversation that I somehow managed to flick my fork upwards into a double somersault and sent it flying through the air across the restaurant showering the other diners with bits of my delicious tasting starter, but we both just sat and watched it fly in disbelief. I was in shock, so was the lady whose dinner it landed in, unfortunately splattering her pink silk blouse with gravy spots. The waiters cleaned up the unfortunate diner and then David said "She didn't see it coming, as she was forked from behind." With that remark I just collapsed into heaps of giggles.
We moved swiftly onto our main courses, we had both ordered steak and all the trimmings as the waiter served the vegetables, even he couldn't have landed a better shot as one of the mushrooms landed right in my wine glass with a soft plop. My reflexes soon got the better of me, I could see where it was going and I tried in vain to stop it from happening but in my haste I knocked the glass over and soaked the waiter, who in turn was a little surprised by my action and proceeded to shower me with the peas which were not at that point sitting in the vegetable tray but in my lap and down the front of my dress, over the table and all over the floor. I made my excuses and shot off into the ladies cloakroom and removed the peas and cleaned myself up. When I returned to the table we sat and continued to eat our meal like nothing had happened. But all the time my brain was thinking what on earth is going to happen next?
Dessert was served and eaten relatively free of incident, all in all the meal was superb, but then came the coffee and it all started again. As David went to hold my hand across the centre of the table I managed to burn my wrist on the lip of the glass candle holder, and shoot hot coffee into David's lap. All too soon it was time to leave the restaurant or should that read not soon enough. But the time had come for us to leave the other diners in peace and make our way back home, but as we came out of the front door I slipped and ended up on my knees because I never saw the steps. David picked me up off the floor and we made sure that nothing was broken and I limped back to the car.
He dropped me back home and my thoughts were "I've blown this one right out of the water, he definitely won't want to go out with me again!" I made my move to open the car door, but in doing so I pinged the door handle and you've already guessed it, I managed to break a fingernail. As I turned to say goodnight, David was smailing and said "I've had a really good time tonight, but would you like to do it ALL over again? How about Wednesday?"
Yesterday afternoon, I was all of a fluster, I'd made up my mind to wear the little black number that has only been out of the wardrobe on a couple of special occasions because it costs an absolute fortune to have it dry cleaned every time I wear it. I decided that tonight was going to be a special occasion, so I'd wear it again. I took it out of the wardrobe and hung it up on the back of the bedroom door.
I carried on doing all my bits and bobs, I showered so I was as fresh as a daisy. Then it all started and it carried on and on and on, not only did it pour it absolutely tipped down, if anything went wrong yesterday afternoon, it just went from bad to worse. I got out of the shower and cleaned my teeth and painted my nails and did my hair, then went to spray my favourite perfume - it was out, I couldn't believe my Armani was out! Something else for me to put on my Christmas List. So, I scrabbled around in my drawers and found my second favourite and wore that instead.
I took off my dressing gown and stepped into my special dress and proceeded to slap on the war paint, just enough to keep it au naturale, and not go over the top and everything seemed fine. I was near enough ready for my HOT date. I was just about to start pouting and apply my lipstick, when out of the corner of my eye I saw a mark on my dress, like a bird had pooped on my shoulder. Oh no, what was I to do now, I removed the dress and hunted out the packet of baby wipes which I keep for emergencies and my toddler because they are magical and usually remove stains in double quick time, except that this stain appeared to be getting bigger. So, I rubbed it again, gently the stain seemed to be disappearing, yes it was disappearing but, I could see the pinkness of my index and middle fingers appearing where the stain had been and now they were poking through the darkness of the material and where before I had a stain I now had a hole!!
I went back to my wardrobe and rummaged about and found another outfit for the evening and settled for that one instead, re-applied my lippy and got set to leave the house. Checked with the babysitter that everything was in order and then the doorbell rang and my heart was bouncing about a little bit, in fact I think it went down to my boots a couple of times before it came back into my chest. My nerves went Freddie MacGarrity at that point and my legs felt like jelly.
On my way out of the front door I tangled with a freshly spun spider's web and had a feeling that the spider was running around my neckline. We got into the car, and drove to the restaurant and all seemed to be going well, the conversation was good with no big gaps or silences which always terrifies me when going out for the first time with a new person. I must admit I was a bit worried about the eating aspect too, girls you know what I mean. And I knew that my nerves were getting the better of me, although how I managed to keep it together all night I will never know.
We settled ourselves at our table and ordered our meal, this is where it really started to go from what was worse to downright "I want the ground to open up and swallow me" territory. The wine waiter arrived and poured the wine, David tasted it and said it was fine so he carried on pouring. Then our starters arrived and we were so deep in conversation that I somehow managed to flick my fork upwards into a double somersault and sent it flying through the air across the restaurant showering the other diners with bits of my delicious tasting starter, but we both just sat and watched it fly in disbelief. I was in shock, so was the lady whose dinner it landed in, unfortunately splattering her pink silk blouse with gravy spots. The waiters cleaned up the unfortunate diner and then David said "She didn't see it coming, as she was forked from behind." With that remark I just collapsed into heaps of giggles.
We moved swiftly onto our main courses, we had both ordered steak and all the trimmings as the waiter served the vegetables, even he couldn't have landed a better shot as one of the mushrooms landed right in my wine glass with a soft plop. My reflexes soon got the better of me, I could see where it was going and I tried in vain to stop it from happening but in my haste I knocked the glass over and soaked the waiter, who in turn was a little surprised by my action and proceeded to shower me with the peas which were not at that point sitting in the vegetable tray but in my lap and down the front of my dress, over the table and all over the floor. I made my excuses and shot off into the ladies cloakroom and removed the peas and cleaned myself up. When I returned to the table we sat and continued to eat our meal like nothing had happened. But all the time my brain was thinking what on earth is going to happen next?
Dessert was served and eaten relatively free of incident, all in all the meal was superb, but then came the coffee and it all started again. As David went to hold my hand across the centre of the table I managed to burn my wrist on the lip of the glass candle holder, and shoot hot coffee into David's lap. All too soon it was time to leave the restaurant or should that read not soon enough. But the time had come for us to leave the other diners in peace and make our way back home, but as we came out of the front door I slipped and ended up on my knees because I never saw the steps. David picked me up off the floor and we made sure that nothing was broken and I limped back to the car.
He dropped me back home and my thoughts were "I've blown this one right out of the water, he definitely won't want to go out with me again!" I made my move to open the car door, but in doing so I pinged the door handle and you've already guessed it, I managed to break a fingernail. As I turned to say goodnight, David was smailing and said "I've had a really good time tonight, but would you like to do it ALL over again? How about Wednesday?"
Sunday, 4 October 2009
Sleep Evades Me
The Sandman has left me high and dry tonight - so no doubt he will reappear tomorrow at some point when I am engrossed in watching a film or something. This new blog is to become my mutterings page - my sounding board, somewhere to place my thoughts and post a few of my photographs for others to look at and maybe if I'm lucky give me their opinions.
I am wondering if that, as I get older, my insomnia levels rise so I get no sleep at all and my faculties will begin to fade and am I slowly losing my marbles are they gradually rolling ever so slowly off the edge of the table one by one. I had the incident when I got to the top of the stairs yesterday afternoon and forgot what I went up for and then went back down with something completely different.
Am hoping to post a different photo every day - not necessarily one that compliments what I have blogged about but one to bring cheer for the day. See, that's my problem, I always seem to go off on a tangent, regardless of where I am and whom I'm with.
Today's picture is: Daymer Bay, North Cornwall.
Happy Days!!!
Scarlett
x
It's All A Bit Strange - (Not Really)
Hello,
This is to be the new place where I blog. It's all a bit strange, but interesting all at the same time. I'm not completely new to this blogging lark - but not blogged for what seems like yonks. I suppose because everyone else seems to be doing it right now. I decided to follow like a sheep and have my own go at blogging again - only this time - take everything with a pinch of salt.
So, I shall sign off for now whilst I get used to riggin' in the bloggin' ropes once more.
Scarlett
x
This is to be the new place where I blog. It's all a bit strange, but interesting all at the same time. I'm not completely new to this blogging lark - but not blogged for what seems like yonks. I suppose because everyone else seems to be doing it right now. I decided to follow like a sheep and have my own go at blogging again - only this time - take everything with a pinch of salt.
So, I shall sign off for now whilst I get used to riggin' in the bloggin' ropes once more.
Scarlett
x
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