A HOT DATE

Imagine the scene, a moonlit night, a table for two people, in a romantic corner of the world, somewhere under the stars. Well that was what I had imagined too, but you can STOP right there because I think Friday 13th was switched to Saturday 14th. Read on.....

Yesterday afternoon, I was all of a fluster, I'd made up my mind to wear the little black number that has only been out of the wardrobe on a couple of special occasions because it costs an absolute fortune to have it dry cleaned every time I wear it. I decided that tonight was going to be a special occasion, so I'd wear it again. I took it out of the wardrobe and hung it up on the back of the bedroom door.

I carried on doing all my bits and bobs, I showered so I was as fresh as a daisy. Then it all started and it carried on and on and on, not only did it pour it absolutely tipped down, if anything went wrong yesterday afternoon, it just went from bad to worse. I got out of the shower and cleaned my teeth and painted my nails and did my hair, then went to spray my favourite perfume - it was out, I couldn't believe my Armani was out! Something else for me to put on my Christmas List. So, I scrabbled around in my drawers and found my second favourite and wore that instead.

I took off my dressing gown and stepped into my special dress and proceeded to slap on the war paint, just enough to keep it au naturale, and not go over the top and everything seemed fine. I was near enough ready for my HOT date. I was just about to start pouting and apply my lipstick, when out of the corner of my eye I saw a mark on my dress, like a bird had pooped on my shoulder. Oh no, what was I to do now, I removed the dress and hunted out the packet of baby wipes which I keep for emergencies and my toddler because they are magical and usually remove stains in double quick time, except that this stain appeared to be getting bigger. So, I rubbed it again, gently the stain seemed to be disappearing, yes it was disappearing but, I could see the pinkness of my index and middle fingers appearing where the stain had been and now they were poking through the darkness of the material and where before I had a stain I now had a hole!!

I went back to my wardrobe and rummaged about and found another outfit for the evening and settled for that one instead, re-applied my lippy and got set to leave the house. Checked with the babysitter that everything was in order and then the doorbell rang and my heart was bouncing about a little bit, in fact I think it went down to my boots a couple of times before it came back into my chest. My nerves went Freddie MacGarrity at that point and my legs felt like jelly.

On my way out of the front door I tangled with a freshly spun spider's web and had a feeling that the spider was running around my neckline. We got into the car, and drove to the restaurant and all seemed to be going well, the conversation was good with no big gaps or silences which always terrifies me when going out for the first time with a new person. I must admit I was a bit worried about the eating aspect too, girls you know what I mean. And I knew that my nerves were getting the better of me, although how I managed to keep it together all night I will never know.

We settled ourselves at our table and ordered our meal, this is where it really started to go from what was worse to downright "I want the ground to open up and swallow me" territory. The wine waiter arrived and poured the wine, David tasted it and said it was fine so he carried on pouring. Then our starters arrived and we were so deep in conversation that I somehow managed to flick my fork upwards into a double somersault and sent it flying through the air across the restaurant showering the other diners with bits of my delicious tasting starter, but we both just sat and watched it fly in disbelief. I was in shock, so was the lady whose dinner it landed in, unfortunately splattering her pink silk blouse with gravy spots. The waiters cleaned up the unfortunate diner and then David said "She didn't see it coming, as she was forked from behind." With that remark I just collapsed into heaps of giggles.

We moved swiftly onto our main courses, we had both ordered steak and all the trimmings as the waiter served the vegetables, even he couldn't have landed a better shot as one of the mushrooms landed right in my wine glass with a soft plop. My reflexes soon got the better of me, I could see where it was going and I tried in vain to stop it from happening but in my haste I knocked the glass over and soaked the waiter, who in turn was a little surprised by my action and proceeded to shower me with the peas which were not at that point sitting in the vegetable tray but in my lap and down the front of my dress, over the table and all over the floor. I made my excuses and shot off into the ladies cloakroom and removed the peas and cleaned myself up. When I returned to the table we sat and continued to eat our meal like nothing had happened. But all the time my brain was thinking what on earth is going to happen next?

Dessert was served and eaten relatively free of incident, all in all the meal was superb, but then came the coffee and it all started again. As David went to hold my hand across the centre of the table I managed to burn my wrist on the lip of the glass candle holder, and shoot hot coffee into David's lap. All too soon it was time to leave the restaurant or should that read not soon enough. But the time had come for us to leave the other diners in peace and make our way back home, but as we came out of the front door I slipped and ended up on my knees because I never saw the steps. David picked me up off the floor and we made sure that nothing was broken and I limped back to the car.

He dropped me back home and my thoughts were "I've blown this one right out of the water, he definitely won't want to go out with me again!" I made my move to open the car door, but in doing so I pinged the door handle and you've already guessed it, I managed to break a fingernail. As I turned to say goodnight, David was smailing and said "I've had a really good time tonight, but would you like to do it ALL over again? How about Wednesday?"